Girl, Woman, Other

This novel by Bernardine Evaristo (Hamish Hamilton, 2019) is big but surprisingly light to read.
Its big size is because of many characters, mostly non-Caucasian women and their life histories in it and the style of writing.
While recounting their life's journey, these women comment upon every current, burning issue: racism, immigration, gender and feminism (now outdated). They narrate how they have overcome extreme odds in their lives.
The style of writing is elaborate with long sentences with minimum punctuation. A sentence typically extends to two or three lines and is then followed by a word or two on the following two or three lines. Small sections galore. A chapter is devoted to each woman. Trajectories of these women are connected.
It is a riveting, baffling, extremely clever book with a sweeping reach. It helps one to get a better connection with the world around.

Benefits of openness

The functions of British royal family are many. Providing a job to photographers and bit writers, entertainment to public and undertaking tours as goodwill ambassadors are the main ones. A whole publicity industry runs on them to provide fodder to both  starry eyed innocents and cynics.
The family has accepted that change will have to come to it also after the death of Princess Diana. So Meghan Markle was accepted into its fold.
Meghan is bringing about further and radical change. She and Prince Harry have declared that they do not want to live off the public exchequer. Wow! This is a deadly blow to the institution. Kudos to Meghan for her self-respect.
I bet Meghan was behind this move though Harry has also suffered from his membership of the family in the wake of Diana's split from Prince Charles. Any other British girl would have balked at the decision but not Meghan.
This is an example of openness and diversity leading to bold, good decisions.

Post Script

So how far should parents support children? What if their support makes children very satisfied, secure and loath to strike out on their own? How do parents insist on high aspirations, high performance from children while simultaneously assuring them of a cushion for mistakes, bad decisions and risks?
No wonder, parenting is such a difficult job.

Parents and children

“Children begin by loving their parents, later they judge them, never do they forgive them.” (An old saying)

Strong parents give a cushion, a safety net to their children. With its help, children go on to find themselves confidently in the world.

I remembered the above while pondering over two recent books:

1. ‘Hamrasta nakartana’ (Marathi): Sarita Awad, Rajhuns Prakashan, Pune, August 2019.

2. Inside out: Demi Moore, HarperCollins, September 2019.

My thoughts led me to memories of a friend during my teenage years. These three mark three distinct points on a continuum.

 

         Demi ------Sarita--------------------- My teenage friend

It is a continuum of girls growing up and turning into women. One end of the continuum, representing total lack of parental support is Demi Moore’s and the other end, of my friend. In between, closer to Demi Moore will come Sarita Awad.

My friend believed in conservatism and had a very strong mother. She was a reticent girl who suddenly became very conscious of herself after going to college. Her mother had begun the preparations for the marriage of her two daughters years earlier. My friend’s college friends were worldly wise young women hell-bent on getting married early. Marriage was the only career option they were interested in. Their life revolved around nothing else. To cap it all, a brother of one of the college friends, proposed marriage to my friend and she was in seventh heaven. After a prolonged courtship, she duly got married and became a mother within one year.

Then suddenly things changed. “Is that all there is to married life?” she plaintively asked once. The abyss of self-discovery was before her and marriage was of little help there.

Sarita Awad’s mother was a famous writer. There was parental discord and Sarita opted for inter-caste marriage. Her parents cut her off. From a young age, she had to fend for herself. Her marriage was no cakewalk either. She took up a bank job to run the house and raised two children. Reservations in employment helped her and her family but there was struggle at each stage. Sarita was a bit activist with left leanings. Her journey of self-discovery continued and now her autobiography makes a significant addition to the rich field of women’s’ autobiographies in Marathi. Sarita has created herself on the basis of her decisions, struggles, hard work and grit.

Demi Moore’s parents fought continuously. Both were alcoholics and promiscuous. They were continuously on the move to dodge creditors. Demi and her younger brother were separated early. The only time of safety and stability in her childhood that Demi remembers is a two-month period when she was left with her grandmother. At the age of 15, Demi’s mother left her in an empty house the key to which was with her (mother’s) boyfriend. She pocketed $ 500 for this service.

Her extraordinary looks landed Demi an acting role but she had to struggle hard to come up. The struggle involved working on both her body and her mind. It was an on-going heroic battle to reclaim herself after self-rejection. She was happy with Bruce Willis but surprisingly, he did not want her to continue with her acting career. A break-up followed. There have been many more, both before and since.

Striptease is a riveting movie which made Demi famous. Her own daughter has acted in it as her daughter. The girl’s name is Rumer – after Rumer Godden, the famous writer (and my favourite!). She has two more daughters and she has vowed to be a good mother to them and to make up for what her own mother was not.

While nursing her second daughter, she found that the baby had not put on any weight. Doctors advised Demi to stop exercising for a few months to help her daughter gain weight. This she could not as she had to be ‘leading lady thin’ in two months for her next role. These are the problems that celebrities face and that we lesser mortals are ignorant of.

All along her life, Demi has bravely faced situations where most of us would give up. She has tried alcohol and drugs but has given them up. Hers has been an epic struggle and her story is one of triumph in the face of unimaginable odds.

Conclusion: Struggle is important. It makes or breaks you. It is necessary to leave your comfort zone, to deviate from the path laid down by others and to follow your own heart and mind.

             --------------------------------

Discord

Year 2006. I was on a comfortable, luxurious Kashmir tour. On our first evening, we were taken on a small 'shikara' ride on Nagin lake where we were put up in a houseboat for two nights. Kashmir was just coming out of a terrorism -induced shutdown of economic activity. Our shikara was surrounded by hungry- looking operators of water sports. Weather was chilly, I do not know swimming and the sports looked dangerous. Others in the group tried their hand but I declined. One elderly operator kept pestering me, "Do it. Try out everything. We will also earn."
 it was the same at Dal lake the next day. Nice breeze, a long ride and I was so happy absorbing the atmosphere. Within no time, other shikaras surrounded us with cries to buy their ware. So irritating! The sellers were frustrated and I overheard one telling another, "They want to do nothing, just lol about!" He was angry .
This dissonance between what is expected and what I want to do is not new.
I am a student of economics and have studied Keynesian multiplier effect as an undergrad. Here was my chance to contribute to it and I messed up.
I am supposed to earn and spend. That is my contribution to the economy. Earn I do, spend I do not because I am not interested.
Another instance of sound economic sense and what actually happens!

Importance of organizational reforms

Cooperative housing societies are very popular in urban areas in India. Legal importance of these societies is growing day-by-day.
I was one of the first office-bearers of our society. I worked, along with 2 other members for 3 years and then handed over charge to another team. A lot of apathy to society matters was shown by most members as time went by.
Then one enthusiastic member took over and streamlined the work. He got the building painted and beautified. His work motivated the current secretary to become active and wipe out his image of a no-doer. However, others were skeptical and the previous secretary was apt to meddle.
This is when I decided to support the secretary. I suggested some very simple things such as a managing committee meeting on the last Sunday of every month and circulating printed copies of the minutes of all these meetings. I insisted that these ideas be implemented. After two years, we are seeing the results.
Attendance at monthly meetings fluctuates but the office-bearers take that in their stride. Word has spread that the new team works in a transparent fashion because we discuss everything before acting. Lively discussions take place in many of the meetings. Because of them, the importance of the general body meeting has eroded. Previously, people would plot and rival factions used to have a field day in the meeting. It is not necessary to do that anymore. The secretary, who has worked hard with dedication but is short-tempered and weak in languages and communication is becoming secure and strong. 

Room by Emma Donoghue, Picador 2010

I saw the movie, made in 2015 first. (There is another movie by the same name in 2005 but the two are very different.) It was absorbing, disturbing.
Then I read the novel recently. I have read it two, three times and have found it engrossing each time.
The plot has a 26 year old woman living with her son of 5 years in a room in the backyard of a house. A man kidnapped her 7 years ago and has kept her there all the time. He rapes her regularly and the result is a stillborn daughter and now this son. When the woman realizes that the kidnapper has become unemployed and might just abandon them one day, she makes an escape plan. She pretends her son is dead, wraps him in a rug and makes the kidnapper take him away. 
The plan succeeds and the boy and later, the woman are rescued by the police and the kidnapper arrested. The woman and the boy are brought to a psychiatric clinic where the woman is surrounded by media people. Their questions make her doubt the efficacy of what she did and she attempts suicide. The boy, extra alert to his mother's moods, senses this in time and she is rescued. The boy meets his grandparents, uncle and his family. His socialization begins. He and his mother start living separately. At his insistence, they visit the room once to say goodbye.
The narrative  is the boy's. His mother has breast-fed him all these years.There are many more details of what such a life entails. The boy has watched TV everyday and has thought what it shows to be real. Outside world is unreal to him.
The novel works at different levels. The film presented a rather sanitized version. At a deeper level, it is erotic. 
The boy Jack, his intelligence, his understanding, his questions, his obedience - the way it is portrayed is simply arresting.
The book has made a deep impression on me.