“Children begin by loving their parents, later they judge them,
never do they forgive them.” (An old saying)
Strong parents give a cushion, a safety net to their children.
With its help, children go on to find themselves confidently in the world.
I remembered the above while pondering over two recent books:
1. ‘Hamrasta nakartana’ (Marathi): Sarita Awad, Rajhuns
Prakashan, Pune, August 2019.
2. Inside out: Demi Moore, HarperCollins, September 2019.
My thoughts led me to memories of a friend during my teenage
years. These three mark three distinct points on a continuum.
Demi ------Sarita--------------------- My teenage friend
It is a continuum of girls growing up and turning into women.
One end of the continuum, representing total lack of parental support is Demi
Moore’s and the other end, of my friend. In between, closer to Demi Moore will
come Sarita Awad.
My friend believed in conservatism and had a very strong
mother. She was a reticent girl who suddenly became very conscious of herself
after going to college. Her mother had begun the preparations for the marriage
of her two daughters years earlier. My friend’s college friends were worldly
wise young women hell-bent on getting married early. Marriage was the only
career option they were interested in. Their life revolved around nothing else.
To cap it all, a brother of one of the college friends, proposed marriage to my
friend and she was in seventh heaven. After a prolonged courtship, she duly got
married and became a mother within one year.
Then suddenly things changed. “Is that all there is to married
life?” she plaintively asked once. The abyss of self-discovery was before her
and marriage was of little help there.
Sarita Awad’s mother was a famous writer. There was parental
discord and Sarita opted for inter-caste marriage. Her parents cut her off.
From a young age, she had to fend for herself. Her marriage was no cakewalk
either. She took up a bank job to run the house and raised two children.
Reservations in employment helped her and her family but there was struggle at
each stage. Sarita was a bit activist with left leanings. Her journey of
self-discovery continued and now her autobiography makes a significant addition
to the rich field of women’s’ autobiographies in Marathi. Sarita has created
herself on the basis of her decisions, struggles, hard work and grit.
Demi Moore’s parents fought continuously. Both were alcoholics
and promiscuous. They were continuously on the move to dodge creditors. Demi
and her younger brother were separated early. The only time of safety and
stability in her childhood that Demi remembers is a two-month period when she
was left with her grandmother. At the age of 15, Demi’s mother left her in an
empty house the key to which was with her (mother’s) boyfriend. She pocketed $
500 for this service.
Her extraordinary looks landed Demi an acting role but she had
to struggle hard to come up. The struggle involved working on both her body and
her mind. It was an on-going heroic battle to reclaim herself after
self-rejection. She was happy with Bruce Willis but surprisingly, he did not
want her to continue with her acting career. A break-up followed. There have
been many more, both before and since.
Striptease is a riveting movie which made Demi famous. Her own
daughter has acted in it as her daughter. The girl’s name is Rumer – after
Rumer Godden, the famous writer (and my favourite!). She has two more daughters
and she has vowed to be a good mother to them and to make up for what her own
mother was not.
While nursing her second daughter, she found that the baby had
not put on any weight. Doctors advised Demi to stop exercising for a few months
to help her daughter gain weight. This she could not as she had to be ‘leading
lady thin’ in two months for her next role. These are the problems that celebrities
face and that we lesser mortals are ignorant of.
All along her life, Demi has bravely faced situations where
most of us would give up. She has tried alcohol and drugs but has given them
up. Hers has been an epic struggle and her story is one of triumph in the face
of unimaginable odds.
Conclusion: Struggle
is important. It makes or breaks you. It is necessary to leave your comfort
zone, to deviate from the path laid down by others and to follow your own heart
and mind.
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