College visit
(1)
There were three beautiful files hidden behind a pile of
project reports. An attractive wrapping paper was used to cover them. Inside
were students’ essays – neatly arranged and flagged year wise. Most were
handwritten, some printed. Someone had lovingly handled them and preserved them
for twenty years.
Sonia’s heart started beating faster. She had won a prize in
college essay competition – actually for two years in a row. Second prizes both
times but they had made her proud. The year? Oh! It was so far away and
everything had become blurred now.
Sonia thought hard. Well, it could not have been earlier
than 1991. She opened the file at 1992 and sure enough there was her
handwritten essay on women’s empowerment. Comments of the judge, his noting,
remarks and corrections were also there.
Sonia’s depression fell away. She felt connected. Gender
equality was her pet topic then. She had hunted for references and had packed
her essay with facts, figures and quotes. Every girl must aspire for a career,
she had declared. She remembered arguing her case with a few girls who cared to
listen. They were not convinced. They were happy to attract male admirers.
Their hold over boys made them feel secure and powerful. All their time and
effort were dedicated to that pursuit. It was not easy to go steady but once it
happened, everything changed. Would they not get tired of each other, Sonia
used to wonder. All her friends wanted to study beyond graduation but they
implicitly understood that home-making, cooking, raising children were the
basic stuff.
The next year also had Sonia’s essay. It was a photo-essay
on Pune. She had borrowed her cousin’s camera and clicked away. She had taken
walking tours of old parts of the city and she had written about how her
impression of Pune had changed from a cold, frightening place to a cosy,
comfortable, accommodating neighbourhood.
Sonia felt charged. She wanted to stir about, make
enquiries, meet people and put her time to good use. She had come back after
fifteen years!
(2)
The college campus had changed of course. Three new
buildings had been added and old buildings sported additional storeys. Milling
crowds. Everyone looked so absurdly young. Colours, movement, shouting and
banter, laughter filled the air. Everything was magnified, more intense and
collapsed into a small frame at the same time.
A smart new wing was added to the college building. When
Misha – her niece who was studying in the college now – took her to the
library, the large reading hall cheered Sonia even more. It was more or less as
it used to be when Sonia sat here from 1 to 5 p.m., four days a week. The staff
room was as imposing as before but there was not one familiar face around.
Sonia has worked hard in the college. In her first year, she
could hardly open her mouth. Everything was so different and noisy! She could
not understand the local languages and English accents were strange. She was
literally tied to the apron strings of her cousin. He used to bully her. He was
constantly annoyed with her. Bit by painful bit, she had developed herself – in
her speech, in her writing, in her answer books, in her dress and in her
behaviour. This library was a witness to her struggle and frustration. All too
soon, college life had ended and she was back home in Zambia.
Sonia started pottering around the library. An exhibition of
books on a current topic was arranged in one corner. Discarded books were
available as take-away in another. New arrivals had been kept on a long table.
One corner was for students’ writings – project reports, dissertations,
journals, articles in wall papers and magazines. There was less rush here. She
could stand there and leaf through the reports.
(3)
Inquiry counter in the college office had not changed one
bit. The same last minute rush of students and the same reluctant, cryptic
answers by a much harried junior clerk. Yes, walking tours were on. They were
popular and started from Shaniwarwada every Sunday morning. You had to go there
for more details.
Professor Bedekar and Prof. Joseph? Bedekar had retired many
years ago and Joseph was on long leave. Their address? Cannot be given. Well,
for past students a departure from rules could be made. Sorry, we do not update
records of retired persons. You have to take your chance.
Fair enough! Sonia refused to feel deflated. On an impulse,
she decided to skip phone calls also. She dragged Misha with her in an auto
rickshaw and went hunting. She had not bargained for taking so much time but
traffic was heavy and moved very slowly.
Prof. Joseph was not at home. She had gone to Kerala and
would be back after a month.
Prof. Bedekar herself opened the door.
“Oh, it is Sonia! Is it not? It is years since I clapped my
eyes on you” she exclaimed.
“Miss, you remember me, Miss!” Sonia said with wonder,
lapsing into her college talk.
“Of course. I remember most faces and you were a special
student. Few had your kind of concentration in the class. But come in and spend
time with me. I will make tea.”
Sonia felt elated. One such meeting wiped out a whole mass
of impersonal, indifferent contacts. She remembered Prof. Bedekar as a learned,
no nonsense capable teacher.
Bedekar’s house was simply but tastefully furnished. Misha
got lost in the books in her study. Sonia looked around feeling more and more
at home. She felt like opening up, baring her soul. What the heck! In another
week she will be back in Zambia. She will probably never meet ma’am again.
“Yes ma’am I went back home after graduation. I had to.
Family finances had become precarious. My younger brother fell to gun-shots
outside our shop. I could easily get a job in a government office though I
wanted a bank job. I stayed on, appeared for civil services exams later.”
“Now I work in the information ministry. Zambia is passing
through one crisis after another. Corruption, runaway inflation, blood bath in
tribal rivalry, sham elections, fundamentalism, mindless violence – you name
it, we have it. I have survived but our family business is wiped out. My
parents could not take the blow. They are no more. I had become the breadwinner
much before that. Now the time for marriage is gone.”
“Ma’am I remember your Communication lectures and I thought
I could put some of your lessons to use in the information ministry. We run
public information campaigns on TV, radio and newspapers. We have drafted many
good welfare schemes but there is a lot of leakage of funds. I am made to feel
like a pariah because I oppose it.”
Once she began, the flow just would not stop! All past
disappointments and hurts came tumbling out.
“Life is like that. You are doing well. Do not blame
yourself for factors outside your control.” Bedekar assured her.
“But ma’am I feel wretched most of the time. I am always
alone.”
“A small price to pay for the good work you are allowed to
do! We are all alone. Growing up means learning to live with yourself finally.
You have to take loneliness in your stride. I have spent my life like that. Concentrate
on the present moment, do your job well and don’t fret. What more can a single
person do in this life? Stop making a long face and don’t take yourself so
seriously. Loosen up a bit and laugh more.” Bedekar had not lost her
confidence. She always came out with such practical advice and students, those
who had the courage to approach her, would be comforted by it.
Yes, what indeed was Sonia moping about? She felt a rush of
Adrenalin.
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